I Shall Believe
by Rach CD McKenzie
Summary: Lucas seems to have the perfect life in New York but when tragedy strikes he is forced to return to Tree Hill and face the life & the people he left behind. Will the woman he once loved forgive him? Complete
1. Prologue

Hey, This is a new fic of mine which I have just started basically a few minutes ago. This is only the prologue. Okay so basically, Lucas moved to New York to marry the love of his life Callie, when something terrible happens Lucas is forced to move back to face his past and his old flames...drama and heartbreak ensues...and of course...Leyton! eventually Lol SO please give this a try, this is just the prologue so tell me what you think and whether it is worth carrying on with it! Please review!

_Lucas pushed the front door open with a yawn as he dropped his keys on the side with a jingle. Rubbing his eyes he shrugged off his jacket and slung it on a hook before shuffling into the kitchen in mid-yawn. His whole body ached with exhaustion as he pulled a mug from the cupboard and filled it with water, barely concentrating. He was so tired. He took a long swig of cold water, trying to wake himself up as he squinted through the dim apartment, frowning. The breakfast things were still left out, the mail was un-opened. He swallowed another mouthful of water before setting his mug down and shuffling back through into the hall._

"_Hello? Callie?" He called out. _

_His frown deepened as he furrowed his brow, confused. Where was she? She had the day off and she said she would spend most of it at home. She should be home by now…He peered into the living room, then the bedroom, the bathroom but she wasn't anywhere to be seen. Her keys weren't here either…_

_He sighed, maybe she had gone out…shopping or something? He thought absently as he shuffled into the bedroom and collapsed down onto the bed. He reached across and plucked the phone from its cradle and began to dial her number, he couldn't help but feel a bit worried. Instead of ringing it went straight to voicemail and he frowned again. _

"_Hey you've reached Callie Scott, sorry I couldn't come to the phone right now…leave me a message and I'll get back to you!" _

_He smiled slightly as he heard her soft cheerful voice on the phone before the beep sounded in his ear. _

"_Hey uh, it's me. I got back from work and I was just wondering where you were. Thanks for the lift this morning and I hope you had a nice day off…I'll probably be asleep when you get in, I'm exhausted. Give me a ring anyway. I love you." He finished before hanging up the phone. She probably ended up being called into work, he knew she couldn't stay away from that place if she tried, he thought with a smile. Another yawn escaped him causing his eyes to water, he reluctantly pulled off his shirt and trousers and walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower and letting the steam billow out of the glass doors before stepping into the hot gushing water. The water drove down hard and fast and he whistled contentedly to himself, unable to hear the phone ringing in the bedroom.. _

_XxxxxX_

_Lucas awoke with a start, his eyes snapping open. He looked around the room quickly, his heart hammering against his chest. He swallowed and blinked a few times, wondering what had woken him so suddenly from his sleep when another hard knock on the door answered his question. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he sat up, trying to get his bearings. Then it dawned on him, he turned around suddenly and found the other half of the bed empty, not even slept in…there was not even a crease. It suddenly felt like a block of ice had settled in his stomach it was 11:15! Where was she? He swallowed hard and looked around quickly, the knocking on the door coming again…maybe it was her. It had to be her; she was fine he was just being stupid. Taking a deep breath he pulled on a pair of trousers, not bothering with a top and he hurried towards the door. He could feel his heart pounding and his blood rushing in his ears as he pulled the door open…_

"_Hello…Mr Scott is it?"_

_Lucas closed his eyes briefly his stomach churning. _

"_Yes officer." He said to the larger of the two police officers who were now standing in his doorway, his voice trembling slightly…oh god…_

"_Can we come in?" The other asked seriously, by the grim expressions on their face he could tell there was something wrong…he could feel his hands shaking as he gripped the door and opened it slightly wider. He could barely breathe as he led them through into the living room. Silence hung heavily in the air and all he could hear was the rushing in his ears and the pounding of his heart as his mind raced with a billion possibilities…_

"_You might want to sit down…we uh…we have some bad news."_

So, what did you think? This is only the prologue, the next part will start further on when Luke is returning to Tree Hill! Please leave a review and tell me what you think


	2. A Sort of Homecoming

A/N Thanks for the great reviews please keep it up! This part starts off a few weeks later from where the last one ended. It sets up the whole beginning of this story so please read and tell me what you think because I'm not sure about it. Thanks!_**

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_**You might want to sit down…we uh…we have some bad news**_

_**Instant**_

_**On impact**_

_**Severe internal injuries**_

_**Broadsided**_

_**Dearly Beloved**_

_**Ashes to Ashes**_

_**Dust to Dust**_

Images and memories flooded his mind as he walked up the path towards the quaint little house, the house that he had grown up in. He looked around as the sunlight shone dimly through the thick clouds ahead and the wind rustled through the trees. Not a lot had changed; everything was just how he remembered it. The houses in rows, trees lining the streets…he smiled sadly and looked around with a swallow. He couldn't believe he was really back here, but he had no choice; he couldn't stay there; it was too hard. Everything just reminded him of her and he couldn't face living there alone, living in the place where she used to be. He sighed as he climbed up the porch stairs and stood in front of the front door, looking it up and down and looking up at the house. Not a lot had changed, the shutters had been painted but otherwise everything was the same. He stood there for a few seconds, contemplating whether or not to knock on the door…he could just turn back. He didn't have to stay here.

But he did, he couldn't go back to the apartment and he didn't have enough money to just go and live somewhere else. Plus, his mom was expecting him now. He swallowed hard, his mouth dry like sandpaper as he reached forward with shaking hands and knocked gently on the door.

He could hear footsteps inside the house and he shoved his hands in his pockets as his stomach fluttered with nerves, he hadn't seen her since the funeral…

The door opened and her familiar face appeared, her dark brown hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. Her face relaxed into a warm smile as she registered him standing there.

"Luke" She said softly as he stood in front of her. She beamed as she leant forward and pulled him into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around him.

"Hey Mom." He replied as he hugged her back. They drew apart and she looked him up and down, he was so much thinner than usual, his eyes were surrounded by dark circles and he just looked exhausted. That was to be expected though, she thought, he was going through something terrible and frankly she was glad she was here with him so she could keep an eye on him.

"How are you?" She asked knowing it was a bit of a stupid question but it had to be asked. Lucas frowned slightly and sighed, he knew he couldn't lie to his mother and pretend everything was fine and she would only worry over him anyway…but still she didn't need added problems, short and sweet and maybe there would be no questions.

"I'm…managing I guess." He said as he adjusted his bag on his shoulder. Karen felt a pang of sadness for her son, she could see the pain in his eyes and how terrible he looked. She still couldn't believe this was happening; everything had been going so perfectly. There was a brief silence before she looked up at him and fixed a smile on her face, resisting the urge to cry; that wouldn't help the situation. But, seeing him here like this was breaking her heart, she just wanted things to be okay for him.

"Well let's move your stuff in; you must be tired from that drive down." She said in a fake bright voice. Lucas returned a smile weakly and heaved his other bag from the floor and shuffled into the house. He stepped inside and smiled, everything was just the same…just how it should be. He had so many memories here and it was strange being back. He could smell his mom's cooking and her perfume, various photos of him and her were scattered across the walls. Maybe it wasn't going to be so bad being back here for a while…but then again he had only seen his mother so far. He wasn't looking forward to bumping into everyone else, well one person in particular.

He dropped his bags to the floor as his arms began to ache and he heard his mom walk into the house behind him, he scanned the room looking at the various pictures, books, and the furniture when something caught his eye. He stepped forward and swallowed hard as he looked at the picture, his heart hammering. He could feel his stomach churning and he blinked quickly. He picked the frame up from the side and stared at it, his gaze travelling over the smiling faces. He smiled sadly to himself and he wasn't even aware of his mother's presence at his side as he stared down at the smiling faces, her beautiful eyes, her golden hair…she was so beautiful. He looked at himself, standing next to her and he realised just how happy he had been on that day…

"Luke I'm sorry I…I forgot, I just always had it there." Karen stammered nervously as she watched her son hold the frame shakily. She felt warm tears burning in her eyes as she saw his sad smile. She was so stupid; she had just left it right out there so he could see it.

Luke blinked quickly and put the photo down on the side.

"It's fine, it doesn't matter. I'm…I'm just gonna put these bags in my room." He said quietly, avoiding her gaze as he turned, stooped down and picked up the bags and walked off to his room.

Karen watched him leave before letting out a shaky breath…this was going to be harder than she thought. She turned and glanced back at the photo, her eyes brimming with unshed tears as she looked down at her son's smiling face. He had been so happy and now that had all been taken away from him. She traced a thumb gently over the two figures and smiled sadly, tears rolling down her cheeks. She had come to love Callie like a daughter and she knew that she had made her son truly happy and now she was gone. Just looking down at the wedding photo she could see how much they loved each other. She just hoped that in tie Luke would be able to get over this.

XxxxxX

Lucas tossed his bag to the floor and collapsed down onto the bed with a sigh, he looked around the room and leant back on the bed, resting his head against the pillow and closing his eyes. This was harder than he thought, everything was just a constant reminder of her…photos, and songs even pieces of furniture. It just seemed like no matter where he went everything would just link back to her.

He still felt numb, it still felt like he would just wake up and it would all have been a dream. It still felt like she would just walk through the door and everything would be okay. He just wanted her back, he wanted to be able to hug her and kiss her and just hold her in his arms again…but he couldn't because she wasn't coming back.

He couldn't even cry, since he found out he hadn't shed a tear. It wasn't like he wasn't sad or anything, he had never felt worse in his life but it was just…he just couldn't. Even if he wanted, the tears wouldn't come. Did that mean he didn't love her? Did it mean he was a bad person?

He sighed heavily and sat up. He still couldn't believe she was gone, he just couldn't process it. It felt like no time had passed since they were lying on the couch together and watching a movie or just lying in bed and talking for hours.

He stood up and pulled open the top drawer to his dresser to find some old balled up socks still in there, he smiled slightly. Everything was just as it had been when he had left. His mom hadn't changed a thing; it felt like he was in high school all over again. He glanced at the photos of him and the guys at the Rivercourt, him and his mom and Keith, him and…him and Peyton. He swallowed and stared at her smiling face, her blonde curls falling loosely around her shoulders and her hazel eyes sparkling as she smiled. He stared at her for a few more seconds, his stomach fluttering slightly.

She was another person he would have to see…someone he was dreading meeting again. He knew she wouldn't have forgiven him, she probably still hated his guts and she had every right to after what he did. He hadn't even forgiven himself for what happened with her. Still, that was the most regretted thing he had ever done and he could never take it back.

He glanced across when he came across another photo of him and Callie, a photo of them in college. He frowned and turned the photo face down with shaking hands…

He couldn't be here right now…

"Mom? I'm going for a walk okay?" He called out loudly, he waited in silence for a few seconds before she replied.

"Okay, I'll have dinner on at 8 okay?" She called back from the other room.

"Okay, thanks." He called back.

Karen heard the backdoor slammed and she sighed, collapsing into her chair. She was trying to give him his space, space to deal with this but she was so worried about him…She couldn't help it.

XxxxX

Peyton let out a shriek as Brooke shoved her sideways, both giggling as she stumbled and narrowly missed falling to the ground. They both laughed loudly as they linked arms and strolled down the street. It had been so long since they had been able to hang out and just have fun, work commitments and other things happening recently had meant the two women hadn't had time to catch up and just have fun, like they used to.

"Peyt! I'm old." Brooke whined suddenly causing Peyton to stop and face Brooke, raising an eyebrow and frowning but nevertheless a smirk curling at the corners of her mouth.

"What?" She asked with a smile as Brooke pouted and crossed her arms.

"It's my birthday soon and I'm going to be 27! That's like nearly 30 which is old! 30 year olds can't have fun!" She whined as she looked down at the floor. Peyton laughed and linked arms again with her friend.

"Brooke, don't be stupid. 27 is not old, it's still young and you're still beautiful so you have nothing to worry about." She said as Brooke smiled slightly as they continued walking along the path, the trees rustling and the river flowing noisily nearby.

"Yeah but, I'm not even married or anything! I mean I know I'm with Jake and all but what if he never asks?" She asked as Peyton sighed slightly

"Brooke, so what if he doesn't ask? You know he loves you; you don't need a piece of paper to prove that. At least you have someone. I'm all alone in that empty apartment and I work too much to ever have anyone interested in me." She said, sweeping her golden curls to one side.

"Peyton don't be stupid, you're young, sexy and great at your job and trust me, I'm sure there are a million copy guys or interns at the office who are totally like in love with you in a weird kind of younger hot guy crushing on their hot boss kind of way." She said with a smile. Peyton laughed and they continued walking along, turning the corner and walking across to the rivercourt where their car was parked. As they walked forward, over the sound of the river and the trees they could hear the familiar sound of a basketball hitting the asphalt. They looked up and Peyton swallowed, her heart skipping a beat…That couldn't be..wait? It couldn't be…

She stopped in her tracks and stared at the tall blonde figure who was dribbling furiously up the court before he sank another shot quickly. She felt Brooke stop at her side.

"Peyton…what the…oh my god." She gasped as she followed Peyton's gaze to the court.

"Is that…No it can't be…It is!" She cried before rushing forward with a shriek leaving Peyton still stood stock still at the courtside. She couldn't believe it…what was he doing back here? Her heart was hammering rapidly against her chest as her blood rushed in her ears, she couldn't believe it was really him. She blinked quickly her eyes stinging slightly. It was really him…she had always thought about what would happen if she ever bumped into him again and she always imagined herself walking coolly past him but now…she couldn't even move, what would she say to him? She scowled slightly, why was he even back here?

She swallowed again, a lump in her throat and she walked slowly forward…she couldn't just avoid him, even after everything he had done she couldn't just ignore him…

"Lucas! What are you doing here?" She heard Brooke shrieking as she hugged him tightly. Lucas smiled weakly and drew away.

"I uh…well I'm staying here for a while." He mumbled looking over Brooke's shoulder and glancing at Peyton who was hanging back awkwardly. He caught her gaze and she looked at him coldly before looking away immediately…he deserved that kind of greeting, he guessed. He turned his attention back to Brooke who was grinning.

"Is Callie here too?" She asked a bit quieter remembering Peyton's presence. Lucas swallowed and looked down at his shoes…he had to stop doing that every time he heard her name.

" Um…no, she's not here." He mumbled not meeting her gaze, so they didn't know…There was an awkward silence in which Brooke flushed slightly and looked away. Peyton looked up and studied Lucas as he looked down at his shoes, something was definitely up with him…she may not have spoken to him for about 6 years but she still knew him well enough to know something was up…so Callie wasn't here with him? She thought interested.

Brooke

"Oh right…well um…how long are you planning to stay for?" She asked trying to fill the awkward silence. Lucas frowned slightly.

"I don't really know, a few weeks maybe…it depends." He said tucking the basketball under his arm, he looked at Brooke…she hadn't really changed at all, still had the same bubbly personality, cute dimples and friendly charm which was why he was such good friends with her but after everything that happened they had drifted apart…He glanced at Peyton again, he couldn't not notice the coldness between them but he also couldn't not notice how beautiful she still looked.

"Are you staying at Karen's?"

Brooke's question snapped him out of it.

"Uh yeah, at least until I find my own place anyway…How is work?" He asked trying to turn the attention away from him, he had seen the look on Brooke's face when he said Callie wasn't here…

"Oh work' s great, boring but great, did you hear about Peyton's job?" She said causing Peyton to straighten up and flush slightly…Lucas glanced at Peyton again.

"Um no I didn't."

Truth was he had heard nothing about her.

"She got promoted to head of art and graphics at Thud!" Brooke said with a grin. Lucas forced a pathetic smile.

"That's great." He said to Peyton and she nodded.

"Yeah."

Another awkward silence hung heavily in the air and Luke shifted on the spot…he knew it would be like this, it was why he had dreaded coming back here. But neither of them knew, at least then he wouldn't be getting the sympathy looks that he couldn't stand, the pity. He had to admit he respected Peyton for even standing here with Brooke whilst she spoke to him…he didn't even deserve that.

"So I uh…I better head off, I'll see you guys around." He said twirling the basketball between his fingers. Brooke smiled.

"Yeah, we'll catch up." She leant forward and kissed Luke on the cheek. Luke attempted a half wave to Peyton which was ignored as she folded her arms and he swallowed and took off…

Once Lucas was out of site Brooke let out a long sigh.

"Oh My God…Thanks for sticking me in the middle of the Arctic back there!" Brooke said as she turned to face Peyton. Peyton frowned slightly.

"Sorry what?" Peyton asked confused, her heart still racing slightly…she couldn't believe he was back, how was she going to be able to see him around all the time?

"I mean…if looks could kill…" She said raising an eyebrow. Peyton flushed slightly but didn't say anything.

"I know how hard this must be on you with him around again but I thought you two sorted things out?" She asked as Peyton sighed and shifted slightly. It was just complicated she thought, it still hurt when she even saw him hugging Brooke. It just bought back so many memories, she had forgiven Brooke but why couldn't she forgive him?

" I know but, seeing him again I guess it's just hard you know? It still hurts." She said honestly as Brooke looked down. She still felt so terrible about the whole thing, she still couldn't believe she had done that to her friend…But they had gotten over it afterall best friends can forgive each other anything.

"I know sweetie…but, what did you think about the wife situation! She isn't here with him and he could be staying for weeks! Do you think she kicked him out?" She said immediately switching into gossip mode. Peyton raised an eyebrow, she didn't really like gossiping about him but she had seen the look on his face when Brooke asked about…Carrie? Callie? And why would he be staying here for a few weeks possibly months without her?

"She must have…she probably came to her senses and saw what he's really like." She said bitterly. She stopped regretting that comment…she didn't want people to think she was still hung up on him, she didn't want them to know that she thought about him all the time, that sometimes…sometimes she might just miss him.

"Ouch…well I will have to find out. You know I can't NOT know what is going on in other people's lives." She said with a smirk. Peyton laughed and they began to walk over to the car.

"It's gonna be weird having him around again…but we'll stick together right?" Peyton asked with a smile holding out her pinky, Brooke grinned and held out hers, linking them together.

"Hoes over Bros."

"Buds over Studs."

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A/N So what did you think? I know it was a bit boring and uneventful again but stick with it, I have to set the scene first! Please review and tell me what you think and how to improve

Next Time: Karen notices Lucas isn't eating and is worried and Peyton is still cold towards Lucas and her and Brooke still think Lucas' wife has left him  



	3. Dreaming of You

Thanks for the great reviews. I'm not too sure about this chapter but hopefully you will like it so please review and tell me what you think.

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_The train doors slammed shut in his face and he stumbled backwards, his breath coming in gasps as he banged furiously on the doors but they wouldn't budge. People were crowding him but he could still see her through the glass, waiting in the car and waving sadly. He was shouting at the top of his lungs, his throat feeling like it was going to tear but she couldn't hear him. She stayed in the car, a side smile on her face as she started the engine_

_. The train rumbled as the engines started, it was about to pull away but he had to get off. He had to get to her, he had to stop her from driving away…People were pushing in on him and he couldn't move, his arms were being crushed and it was hot…he couldn't breathe as he watched her drive away, the truck in the distance getting closer. The headlights were blaring, he was shouting, the people were pushing and the train was moving, pulling further and further away. He banged harder on the glass shouting her name, his fists searing with pain whilst she drove away and in the distance he could see the truck…lights blaring and horns sounding as it drew closer and closer…He shouted furiously as the train gathered speed, pulling away as people pushed in tighter, crushing him as the horns sounded again. Her car unable to swerve as it sped towards her…closer and closer…until_

_BANG_

Lucas sat bolt upright, panting heavily as his breath came in ragged uneven gasps, sweat laced his pale face as he gripped the bed sheets tightly, his heart racing. He looked around trying to get his bearings as he squinted through the dark. Silver moonlight streamed through the curtains, bathing the room in pale light as he swallowed hard and closed his eyes, trying to steady himself.

He shakily swung his legs to the side of the bed and placed his head in his hands breathing in and out deeply as his whole body trembled. He slowly lifted his head and glanced across at the clock 3:38. He sighed shakily and slowly lifted himself from the bed and pulled on a t-shirt. Rubbing his eyes he shuffled from the room being careful to dodge the creaky floorboard that had gotten him into trouble so many times as teenager when sneaking in late from a party or a date.

He ran a hand through his short blonde hair and sighed again as he crept into the dark kitchen, he didn't bother turning on the light. He preferred the darkness. He opened the cupboard to the left hand side and pulled out a glass tumbler, his hands still trembling slightly. He turned on the tap and filled the glass with the gushing cold water and shut it off. Leaning against the work-surface he sipped gingerly at the cool liquid and closed his eyes. He couldn't stand this; he couldn't sleep without dreaming about her, he couldn't do anything without thinking about her. The guilt was just too much…

He looked around the darkened kitchen and swallowed another mouthful of cool water, trying to think about anything other than her. It hurt too much. He looked out the window and onto the moonlit streets and smiled slightly as the trees rustled outside the window. It was odd being back in Tree Hill and seeing the same old faces, well apart from Nathan and Haley who were on their anniversary "honeymoon" holiday. He had to admit seeing Peyton and Brooke again was hard, it bought back so many memories but in a way it was good. He wasn't hiding from his shame anymore. He was facing them and what he did to them and maybe one day he would be able to forgive himself. But he didn't think Peyton would ever forgive him, he had hurt her. He had hurt her badly and he knew there was probably now chance she would ever forgive him but one day he hoped that maybe they could at least be friends.

He had really loved her and one stupid drunken mistake had ruined everything. He had really thought she would be the one, he had thought they were perfect and he had fcked it up as usual. But then he had met Callie…

But even so, a drunken mistake had given him a friend in Brooke. She was there for him when Peyton wasn't talking to him or her. But it still didn't make up for losing Peyton, he hated himself for what he had done and he knew he couldn't change it. Callie had told him he needed to forgive himself but he just couldn't especially when he could see how much it hurt Peyton to even look at him and to see how cold he was towards him, the glares and the scowls but he deserved them. He had met Callie and he had been happy again after Peyton…but now she was gone and he was left with nothing.

He sighed and drained the tumbler before putting it quietly in the sink and he headed into the living room, he knew he wouldn't get back to sleep again for a while. He never did after that dream.

* * *

Karen hummed softly to herself as she cracked another egg into the sizzling pan, the warm heat radiating from the bubbling oil. When she had woken up Lucas' bed had been empty and a note stuck to the fridge.

_Gone for a run, be back soon. Lucas X_

She didn't know what to do, she knew he hadn't slept at all last night and through the thin walls she had heard him murmuring in his sleep. He didn't eat anything last night and she just didn't know how to talk to him…What would she say? She hadn't even see him cry once. She just wanted him to get through this, she wanted him to be okay but maybe it was going to be harder than she thought. He had really loved that girl and for once he had been truly happy and now it had all been taken away from him.

She grabbed the spatula off the side and flipped the second egg over knowing Lucas liked his over-easy when the front door opened and Lucas stepped in, breathing heavily and sweating slightly wearing joggers and a white t-shirt.

"Hey sweetie, have a good run?" She asked keeping her eyes on the pan as she heard him walk further into the room.

"Yeah, thanks. I saw Mrs Gardener actually, she stopped to say hi." He said, still slightly breathless from the run. He glanced across at the sizzling pan and felt his stomach turn slightly as the smell hit him, normally he loved his mother's cooking but it seems like now the site of food just made him nauseous.

"Oh right, I remember when she used to babysit you when I was working…for some reason you were terrified of her." She said with a smile as she remembered.

"You didn't have to spend a day with her…she has framed pictures of her cats everywhere." He said, laughing slightly.

"Well, I've made you some eggs. Over-easy just how you like them so why don't you eat these and you can have a shower. Did you say you were looking for a job today?" She asked as she slid the eggs from the pan onto two pieces of toast. Lucas swallowed as he looked at the plate…he didn't want to hurt her feelings. He walked across the kitchen and poured himself a cup of steaming black coffee whilst Karen finished up serving breakfast, she lay the plates on the table and smiled. He forced a weak smile in return before sitting at the table.

"Uh yeah, I'll probably just get a part time job at a garage or something." He mumbled.

"You do know you can just help me out at the café?"

"Yeah…I'll do that on my days off, if you like"

He could feel his stomach churning uneasily as he shakily picked up a fork. He could hear his mother humming as she began to wash up the dishes, her back to him. He cut a small piece of egg and toast and looked down at it, it couldn't be that hard. Just chew and swallow…He placed the food in his mouth and balked as he struggled to swallow. He forced it down and sighed as his stomach continued to churn. He quickly sipped some coffee. He quickly took one slice of toast and reached over to the bin, dropping it in and making sure it was covered and laid down his knife and fork, leaving the other slice of toast on the plate. At least it had looked like he had eaten something.

"Thanks Mom, I couldn't eat the other piece…I guess I'm not that hungry." He said as Karen turned around and looked down at his plate with a frown.

"You sure? They're your favourite. Are you feeling okay? You didn't eat yesterday either." She said, her brows furrowed in concern. Lucas swallowed another mouthful of coffee trying to get the taste from his mouth as he stood up.

"I'm just not that hungry…sorry ma." He said sincerely.

"Okay sweetie." She said still worried…

"I'm…I'm just going to take a shower." He said as he walked out the room.

Karen watched her son leave and sighed as she looked down at his plate. He hadn't eaten anything all day yesterday and had only drank coffee and now he had eaten a slice of toast…he would be out all day and she wouldn't be able to check on him having lunch. He wasn't eating, he was barely sleeping…she had heard him get up in the night and he hadn't gone back to bed…She hadn't even seen him cry in all of the times she had visited him after in New York and in the days him being here. She was worried about him and she was worried that she wouldn't be able to help him.

She picked up his plate and walked over to the bin and she was about to scrape the food into the bin when she noticed a slice of toast, she frowned slightly…it was his breakfast, he had taken a bite and thrown it away…Why wasn't he eating and why had he lied? If he didn't want it, he could have just said so…

She needed to talk to someone, someone who actually knew what had happened. She knew he hadn't told Peyton or Brooke so there were only two people she could talk to and it was going to run up one hell of a phone bill.

* * *

After looking for jobs for most of the day Lucas had finally found a small car garage that were looking for trainee mechanics, he knew it was very different from old job in publishing but he had the skills from being bought up with Keith and he needed a part time job that didn't take too much thinking or interaction with other people. He wanted a job where not too many questions would be asked and he could just get on with some hard work to distract himself.

As he walked down the street, satisfied with himself he noticed a flyer taped the notice board of an apartment building. Apartment to rent, enquire within. One bedroom, kitchen and bathroom. He frowned slightly. He knew he was staying with his mom but he couldn't burden her forever. He didn't know how long he would be staying in Tree Hill and whether it was permanent or not but maybe a place of his own would be what he needed, he would have some space and there wouldn't be constant reminders everywhere.

There was no harm in looking anyway. He thought as he opened the door and stepped inside.

After being shown around the small apartment and being handed some forms and telephone number he was told if he was interested he could hand in a deposit and phone the manager. The good thing was there was no time lease so if he did decide in a few weeks and no one had taken it he could move in, meaning he had some time to consider. As the manager walked down the stairs Lucas walked slowly through the hallway, noticing there were four other apartments on the same floor. He headed slowly towards the stairs when the front door to apartment 4c opened revealing an all too familiar blonde. They both stopped in their tracks for a few seconds, staring at each other.

Peyton swallowed as she saw him standing there, what was he doing in her apartment building…on her floor?

"What are you doing here?" She asked realising how rudely it had come out but she didn't really care, she just wanted to know why he was here.

"I uh…I was looking at the apartment…It's uh…up for rent." He stammered trying to look anywhere but into her eyes. He could see she looked slightly taken aback, if not a bit disappointed. An awkward silence quickly ensued.

"Um…I probably wont even rent it I was just looking in case um…well anyway if it's like a problem or something I wont take it, I'll understand." He mumbled. She frowned slightly and cocked an eyebrow. Did he really think she would ask him not to move somewhere because of her? She didn't want him living this close to her but still it's not she'd say anything.

"Don't be stupid, I'm not going to ask you not to take an apartment just because I live on the same floor." She said faking a smile. Lucas swallowed, he could see in her eyes she didn't mean it though. He could tell.

There was another silence and they both shifted slightly, hands in pockets and struggling to think of something to say.

"So, if you're staying here for a while what are you doing about work?...Last time I heard you were in…?" She trailed off struggling to remember what it was he did for a living. Lucas stepped in.

"Publishing…Well I don't know how long I'm staying so I'm not doing anything permanent…I just took a job at a garage and I'll probably just help my mom at the café." He said again avoiding her gaze.

"Right." She said.

"So, how's your Dad?" Lucas asked, struggling to think of topics for conversation without just bolting from the room. She looked at him briefly before looking away again.

"Fine."

He sighed and tried again.

"Good…are you still drawing?" He asked as she raised an eyebrow and folded her arms.

"Uh yeah, it's my job." She said obviously, causing Lucas to feel even more stupid than he already did. Boy this was a one-sided conversation.

"So how long have you been living here for then?"

"Three years." She replied blankly. Lucas nodded and tapped on the banisters absently, Peyton looked down at his fingers and sighed…why was he trying to make conversation with her? Couldn't he take a hint. She didn't want to talk to him.

"Lucas I gotta go. Bye." She said blandly as she walked past him and hurried down the stairs, leaving him alone in the dim hallway.

Well that was a fun conversation, he thought to himself.

* * *

Peyton walked out of the building and a blast of cool wind hit her. She sighed and looked back at the building, she knew she had been a bit harsh on him but was she really expected to make smalltalk with the man who broke her heart? It was hard enough seeing his face around here again, let alone talking with him. She was so used to knowing he was somewhere else with someone else and she didn't have to think about him all the time. But most of the time she found herself doing it anyway. She was so confused, she hated him but at the same time she couldn't because every time she saw him she kept thinking about all the good times they had…She sighed and adjusted her bag, she needed to get to work and to stop thinking about Lucas Scott.

* * *

Karen dialled the last number as she read it off the scrap of paper in her hands and sighed as the phone began to ring. She knew Lucas wouldn't want him doing this but he would never know and she just needed to talk to someone about what was going on, she needed to talk to someone who knew Lucas. The ringing sounded a few more times before it stopped with a click and she heard laughing down the phone.

"Hello?" She heard Haley's bright cheerful voice and she couldn't help but smile.

"Hi Haley, it's Karen." She said trying to sound cheerful.

"Oh Hi Karen, how are you?" She asked. Karen swallowed.

"Um I'm okay…Lucas is in Tree Hill again."

"Oh, is he staying with you? How is he doing?" She asked more sombrely.

Karen sighed, she didn't know where to start.

"Not so good, I'm really worried about him Haley. I don't know how to talk to him, half the time he acts like he's fine and nothing's wrong but then he'll see a photo or something and you can see how much he's hurting. He doesn't eat, he won't sleep. I don't even think he's cried since the funeral." She said her voice wavering slightly. It felt good to get this all off her chest.

"Oh God…I can't imagine how hard this is on him." She said softly. Karen felt tears burning in her eyes.

"I just don't know how to help him Haley." She said her voice cracking as tears welled in her eyes.

"Have you tried to talk to him? Get him to talk about his feelings, maybe it will help him grieve. He's not grieving properly, he needs to let things out rather than bottle them up." She said obviously feeling for her best friend. Haley felt bad that she wasn't there for him now, she was on holiday and he was grieving the loss of his wife. She didn't know what she'd do if she lost Nathan. As soon as she and Nathan got back she would be there for him.

"I'll try Haley, thanks for listening. I just needed someone to talk to about it, he doesn't want Brooke or Peyton to know."

"You can talk to me or Nathan any time Karen. Talk to him, he'll come around." She said

"Thanks, well have a nice rest of your holiday and I'm gonna go now because this is probably costing me a fortune." She said with a small laugh.

" Yeah, bye Karen and good luck. Send Lucas our love okay?"

"I will."

She put down the phone and sighed…so she would have to talk to Lucas. That wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to.

* * *

A/N So what did you think? I know, again, not alot happened but these chapters are necessary to set up what happens next. Big drama coming plus maybe some Bake!

Next Time: Karen talks to Lucas but how will he react? Lucas loses his wedding ring...Peyton and Brooke talk about Lucas


	4. All I have left

Thanks for the reviews, this is quite short but prepare for huge drama in the next chapter! So please leave a review and tell me what you think, reviews make me write faster lol

* * *

Karen watched as her son stretched out on the couch his eyes fixed on the TV screen as he watched the basketball highlights. She smiled slightly to herself, she loved her son so much and she just wanted to help him; she wanted him to be okay and to be happy again. She swallowed and dropped the damp dishcloth back into the sink, she needed to talk to him. Haley was right; she needed him to know that she was there for him. She slowly walked over and watched as he lifted up his head, turning his face to her and offering a smile. She returned one weakly. 

"Um…Luke?" She began questioningly as her son drew his unfocused gaze away from the TV again and looked up at his mother.

"Yeah?"

She suppressed a sigh and looked down at her hands before meeting his questioning blue gaze.

"We uh…we need to talk." She said lowly. Now she had his attention, he wore a slight frown as he slowly sat up, swivelling his legs around so he was sitting up properly and facing her.

"Is…is everything okay?" He asked worriedly…What had he done? Maybe she was going to kick him out…

"Well…not really I…I'm worried about you Luke." She said her brow furrowing with concern as he swallowed and looked down at his hands. He sat there in silence not knowing how to respond, he should have known she would think something was up.

"Lucas…you don't eat anymore. I hear you getting up in the middle of the night and you don't come back to bed, you look exhausted all the time. You…you can't even mention her name Lucas and everytime she comes up in conversation you change the topic." She said the words flowing easily from her mouth as she voiced all the worries she had been hiding for the past few days.

"I…I don't think you're grieving properly. I need you to just talk to me." She finished softly still looking at him as he kept his gaze determinedly to the floor. Silence fell upon the room for a few seconds before Lucas looked up at her, his eyes shining slightly but she couldn't tell whether it was a trick of the light or if she had actually evoked something from him.

"So now there's a proper way to grieve? I'm dealing with this in my own way okay? I don't want to talk about her because it hurts mom! Everytime her name comes up it means I have to think of her and it reminds me that she's not here, that I don't have her with me anymore. She's gone and as much as I want to change it, I can't! I want to be able to get past this but it's hard." He said loudly, his voice cracking slightly.

Karen blinked, slightly taken aback by her son's sudden response, by the emotion pouring out of him as he looked at her, his eyes wide and desperate.

"I'm sorry if the way I'm handling this isn't how I'm "supposed to grieve" but I'm just trying to make it through the day okay? If you want me to eat, I'll eat. If you want me to sleep, I'll sleep." He finished before looking away, his cheeks slightly flushed. He knew he was being unfair but he couldn't stop himself. It was hard enough being back here let alone having to deal with all of this. He just wanted to forget.

"Lucas, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just worried about you, it's okay to cry and it's okay to talk about her. You can talk to me Lucas, you don't have to keep it all bottled up or you're gonna get sick. I love you and I know you're going through something terrible but I just want you to be okay, you can't keep pretending that you're fine, because you're not." She quietly replied, her eyes brimming with tears as Lucas kept his gaze on the floor.

"You can't push me away Luke. You can't pretend that this isn't happening, you have to face it and deal with it and then get past it. Hiding it and bottling it up isn't going to help. As much as you try to push me away I'm still going to be here so try all you want Luke, but I love you and I will get you through this." She said strongly.

Lucas blinked quickly, trying to rid the warm moisture of tears from his eyes as he looked slowly up at his mom. She softened upon seeing his expression and moved closer.

"I don't want to push you away…I'm sorry mom. It's…its just hard." He said softly. Karen wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer.

"I know sweetie, but I'm here okay. Talk to me when you have things on your mind"

"I'll try." He murmured.

XxxxX

Lucas grabbed the damp dishcloth from the table and began to wipe down the surface of the counter. He kept thinking about the conversation with his mom earlier. He didn't want to push her away but he hated talking about his feelings, it wasn't exactly his strong point. He knew she was just trying to help but…if he talked about it, he couldn't pretend it wasn't happening, he couldn't pretend that he would go home in a few days and find her at home waiting for him. Singing in the shower or cleaning the kitchen, watching her naff TV programmes or sleeping on the couch…

He looked up and realised he had been wiping the same bit of the counter over and over and sighed. He heard the bell over the door sound and looked in that direction to find Peyton and Brooke strolling into the café. Brooke shot him a smile whilst Peyton struggled to look anywhere but at him, he smiled back at Brooke who immediately bounded over, Peyton trailing behind.

"Hey! A mocha latte for me and a black coffee for curly." She said nodding in Peyton's direction as she smiled weakly. Lucas nodded.

"Sure." He said as he turned away, busying himself with the coffee and glad to get away from Peyton's uneasy gaze. He was glad neither of them knew, he hated the looks of pity he got back at work after it happened and he didn't want that here.

"So I heard you got a job?" Brooke asked questioningly causing Luke to turn around, wearing a quizzical frown. Brooke smiled.

"I spoke to Karen earlier, I bumped into her at the grocery store." She said explaining. Lucas nodded and turned his back to make the coffee.

"Yeah it's just fixing cars and stuff really." He said over his shoulder. Brooke nodded whilst Peyton looked down at her nails as she tapped them on the counter.

"Oh right, so…Getting a job? Peyton told me you were looking for an apartment…sounds like this is pretty permanent." She said with a slight smile, fishing for gossip. Lucas looked at Peyton and Peyton swiftly kicked Brooke under the table, hard in the shins.

"OW" Brooke cried rubbing her shin and quickly smiling at Lucas.

"Sorry about that, banged my foot on the table. Clumsy ME" She said kicking Peyton back with her last word. Lucas smiled slightly as he watched the pair exchange glares but his smile soon faded when Brooke next opened her mouth and asked the question he had been dreading.

"So, what about Callie? I mean I thought her job was in New York, that's why you moved there right?" She asked sipping at the coffee Lucas just handed to her as he quickly handed one to Peyton, swallowing as he felt both pairs of eyes on him.

"It is I mean…I, she…"He stammered as both girls watched him curiously as he tripped over his words. He looked across at Peyton who was watching him furiously and he opened his mouth.

"Lucas?" He heard his mom call from the back room, he sighed inwardly and relaxed. Saved by the bell…or the mom. Whatever.

"Uh, I gotta go, talk to you later." He said before hurrying into the backroom.

As Peyton and Brooke watched him hurry out she sighed and turned to her blonde friend, raising an eyebrow.

"What did I tell you P. Sawyer? There's obviously problems on the marital front." She said airily, obviously pleased with herself. Peyton rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee.

"You don't know that Brooke, anyway can we talk about something else?" She said as Brooke pouted slightly, obviously put out before she smiled again and sat up straighter, laying her hand down on the counter.

"Fine, So do you think Lucas will move in next door? That would be so totally awkward. He might pop around for a cup of sugar and maybe you'll just fall into bed or something? I mean he's practically divorced by the looks of things." She said with a mischevious grin, her eyes glinting. Peyton laughed to herself.

"Okay, first you don't know that and second I think you missed the point. I don't want to talk about Lucas okay? It's hard enough as it is." She said looking down into the steaming black liquid that was swirling in her mug.

"But I thought you were over this…unless…Oh my god you don't still have feelings for him do you?" She said in a hurried whisper. Peyton gasped.

"No! No of course not!" She said quickly avoiding Brooke's gaze.

XxxxX

Lucas pulled off his wedding ring and set it down next to the sink as he began to wash the dishes in the warm soapy water, the dishwasher was playing up again and his mom needed some help. He sighed and swallowed, if his mom hadn't have called him he didn't know what he would have said. He knew they thought something was up, who wouldn't? He was here and his whole life including his wife had been in New York.

As he finished up, hoping that Brooke and Peyton would have left by now he emptied the sink and placed the last plate on the drying rack. As he reached over his elbow brushed the side, knocking the silver ring into the sink with a clatter. He watched in horror as the ring rolled into the plughole and disappeared from sight with a dull clunk.

"No no no no…shit…no fuck!" He cried as he reached down the plughole, desperately grasping around through the small hole, hoping to grab a hold of his ring. His heart hammered as he struggled to push his hand further.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed loudly, not caring who heard. He felt his eyes stinging, this couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose it, it's all he had left of her. He pulled his hand back out with difficulty and leant against the wall, breathing heavily as tears burned in his eyes, he willed them back and closed his eyes. Trying to think logically about this…

Karen hurried into the kitchen upon hearing a string of profanities coming from the kitchen followed by a bang and more profanities. She had tried to ignore the alarmed looks of the customers before hurrying into the kitchen and finding her son leaning against the wall with his eyes closed and breathing heavily.

"Lucas?" She asked worriedly as she walked slowly towards him, he opened his eyes and she noticed tears shining in them as he looked up at the ceiling.

"Luke honey what's wrong? What happened?" She asked frowning as he stood up straight and scrubbed a hand roughly over his face.

"My ring…my wedding ring it's gone…I lost it, down the sink." He said realising how pathetic he must sound. Karen swallowed and looked up at her son, she knew how much that ring meant to him and how he must feel right now.

"Honey, I'm so sorry. Look we'll get it out for you okay? We'll just take out the pipes and it should be there." She said soothingly as he nodded.

"But what if it's not? That's all I have left of her" He said lowly.

"We'll get it okay?"

XxxxX

The door in the café jingled again and Jake stepped into the café, he smiled to himself as he saw a familiar dark haired girl sitting with her back to him with another familiar blonde. He walked over and softly tapped her on the back of the shoulder.

Brooke turned around surprised and her expression broke into a grin as she saw Jake standing behind her, a smile on his face.

"Jake! Hey." She said leaning forward and planting a kiss softly on his lips.

"Hey, thought I'd drop by and see how you were…also to say hi to Luke maybe? Hey Peyton." He said smiling at his ex-girlfriend. There was no awkwardness between them even though he was dating Brooke and he loved that they could still be friends.

"Luke's somewhere out back swearing and hitting things." Brooke said with a smile causing Jake to frown.

"Don't worry about it." Peyton added as Jake smiled and sat down next to Brooke, sliding his arm around her waste and pulling her towards him.

"So how was work?" He asked softly as he kissed her cheek softly and she leant into him, enjoying the feeling of his warm arms around her.

"It was okay, but I missed you." She said softly and Jake grinned and kissed her again, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair.

"I missed you too, so I was thinking we could go out tonight or something?" He said softly into her ear. Brooke grinned.

"Well I was thinking maybe we could stay in." She said raising an eyebrow.

"Even better."

Peyton rolled her eyes and sighed. She missed that kind of closeness with a guy…

XxxX

Lucas slid the wedding ring up and down his finger and sighed…he was so glad to have it back, if he had lost it he would have hated himself. How could be so careless. He watched as the rain drove down outside and he smiled softly to himself. Callie always loved the rain.

He looked down at the floor and sighed, he offered to take the graveyard shift for his mom so she could sleep and plus he didn't really want to go home because he knew his mom would want to talk some more and he wasn't up to it yet.

The door opened and he looked up as the sound of whistling wind and rain spattering on the pavement filled the small café and he met the hazel gaze of Peyton Sawyer. She shook off her umbrella and looked up, meeting his eyes. He stared at her for a few seconds before standing up…both meeting each other's gazes whilst the rain pelted down harder...

* * *

A/N I know it was a random ending but it's important, it leads to massive drama in the next chapter. I'll let you use your imagination, hoped you liked the tiny amount of Bake lol and please leave some reviews so I know whether or not to post the new chapter! Which hopefully will rock! 

Review please!


	5. Confrontations

Lucas watched as Peyton walked into the café avoiding his gaze and standing at the counter. He swallowed hard and eventually she looked up at him, her eyes cold and empty.

"Black coffee." She said coldly still avoiding his gaze. Lucas frowned slightly, why was she being so short with him?

"A please would be nice." He mumbled half to himself as he turned slightly to grab a mug.

"What?" She asked looking at him, he turned back and stared at her, he didn't think she would hear.

"Nothing." He muttered before picking up the mug again and sighing. What was going on with her? She hadn't been like this earlier…He fumbled with the mug and the coffee maker at his side and he could hear her sighing to herself impatiently.

"How long is it going to be?" She asked just wanting to get out of here, what Brooke had said earlier had really confused her, she didn't like him. She couldn't…then why did she feel so weird whenever she was around him?

"I don't know!" He said in return really starting to get irritated by her impatience. As he heard her let out another loud sigh he spun around quickly his temper fraying, he really wasn't in the mood for this and by the looks of it neither was she.

"What is your problem?" He snapped, folding his arms. He saw her flinch slightly before scowling growing defensive. He could sense this wasn't going to end well…

"MY problem?" She said pointing her chest indignantly her heart pounding slightly as she looked into his weary eyes.

"Yeah your problem, ever since I got here you've just been completely callous towards me. I apologized for what happened. I can't change the past even though I wish I could but it's past. I can't do more than say sorry Peyton." He said growing more angry aware that by bringing up old issues their whole past would be dredged up but he didn't care, they needed to do this and even though he was wrong he couldn't help but think she was being a little too harsh.

Peyton swallowed and stood back slightly her eyes widening.

"Woah! Where did that come from?" She asked affronted, crossing her arms across her chest defensively. She couldn't believe they were getting into this; her blood was pumping in her ears and her heart hammering.

"Come on Peyton, I know I hurt you but I can't change it!" He said desperately as he looked at her, she swallowed hard and blinked before looking up at him wearing a frown. He just wanted them to get over this and at least be friends.

"Look Lucas, just because you're bitter about your wife leaving you doesn't mean you can take it out on me and use our past as an excuse!" She said angrily, sweeping back her hair and staring him down, her hazel eyes blazing.

Lucas swallowed hard and took a step back, his heart beginning to hammer as he stared at her…

"W..What?" He stammered.

"You heard me. If this is what you're like no wonder she left you." She yelled and as soon as the words left her mouth she regretted it. She stared at him as his expression remained blank, staring at her. She shouldn't have said that…shit.

Lucas stared at her, trying to process what he had just heard. His blood rushed in his ears deafening him as his grip tightened on the mug in his hand…how dare she? He felt his heart hammering harder and faster as he lifted the mug and hurled it against the back wall with all his strength. The mug soared through the air before hitting the wall hard and shattering with the familiar tinkling sound of breaking glass or china that pierced the heavy silence and Peyton visibly jumped drawing away from Lucas. She looked down at the shards of china that lay on the floor the sound of it shattering still echoing in her mind before she drew her gaze back up to him, her heart hammering so fast she thought it would burst.

She looked into his eyes and she felt her mouth go dry and she saw them sparkling, shining with unshed tears and pain…she shouldn't have said it…oh god. His face…

"That's what you think is it?" He whispered his voice trembling as her mouth felt even drier, it felt like her tongue was stuck and she couldn't open her mouth…The tears welling in his eyes made his blue eyes shimmer in the dim café.

She looked away but when she heard a small, weak laugh she looked up and found Lucas smiling, resting his weight on his hands which were on the counter, his body leaning over as he looked down. She frowned confused, why was he laughing?

"That would be easier for you to believe wouldn't it? That just because you don't want me, no one else can?" He said his smile fading and that terrible look returning, the one that made Peyton want to shrivel into a corner and close her eyes, she couldn't stand seeing the hurt in his eyes.

"Lucas…I" She began her voice trembling as her eyes burned with unshed tears. He cut her off.

"No don't, just forget it Peyton. Forget it." He said lowly, turning away from her.

"Luke, me and Brooke, we thought…" She began again not really sure where she was going but she was cut off again as Lucas turned around sharply, his blue eyes still blazing with emotion.

"Exactly Peyton! You THOUGHT, but you didn't KNOW did you? You didn't even bother to find out." He yelled, his throat stinging as he struggled to hold back the tears…"_no wonder she left you…"_

"Well where is she then Lucas? Now that I'm "bothering to find out"." She said staring at him. He glared back at her and she swallowed…he remained silent. He looked away avoiding her gaze and she sighed, so when she did ask he wouldn't tell her? What was his problem? She knew she had been a bit harsh but wasn't that what he deserved after everything between them? She watched him and after a few seconds when he still didn't answer she spoke again.

"Well? Or are you too embarrassed? What's wrong? Ashamed? Did she run off with someone else?" She said derisively…she didn't even know where these words were coming from or why? Why couldn't she just Shutup…maybe it was just five or so years of pent-up anger all coming out now…

"Shutup." Lucas whispered, still unable to meet her gaze as he looked down at the counter, focusing hard on it. Intent on avoiding her as he studied each mark on the counter, the tiny scratches and coffee stains as he tried to block her voice out.

"Or maybe you just drive her away, maybe she just had to get away from you?" She said mockingly, still wishing these words would just stop…what was she saying?

"Shutup…SHUTUP!" He shouted, his head snapping upwards and his eyes full of pain, rage and despair all at the same time suddenly fixed back on hers. Peyton stopped suddenly, closing her mouth and blinking in shock…

The hot tears that had been building in his eyes began to overload, trailing slowly down his flushed cheeks as he stared at her, both of them just standing there in silence.

"She's dead okay?...She's dead." He whispered his voice cracking as he looked away briefly before meeting her stunned and horrified gaze again.

"Happy now?" He asked his voice trembling and wavering.

Peyton felt like a block of ice had settled in her stomach as she looked down, tears welling in her eyes…dead? Oh god…it couldn't…he…what had she done? Oh shit…all the things she had said, the way she treated him, why he looked so depressed…why she wasn't here and he was…oh fuck.

"I didn't…Lucas I…" She stammered tripping over her words as her head spun.

Tears still cascading down his cheeks he shook his head.

"Don't Peyton, just don't."

His heart hammering faster he pulled of his apron and threw it to the floor, swallowing hard and storming past Peyton, not even looking at her as he shoved a chair out of his way sending it to the floor with a loud clatter and pulling the door open, he stepped out into the icy driving rain and slammed the door behind him before storming across the road leaving Peyton alone in the empty café.

She leant against the side, letting the warm tears flow freely down her cheeks as desperate sobs wracked her entire body. She sobbed openly as thunder crashed through the night and lightening illuminated the stormy night sky. She sniffed and wiped her eyes quickly, glancing around the dimly lit room at the shattered mug and the chair on its side…what had she done? She couldn't believe it…how could she have said those things to him?…oh god…

She looked out the window to the pouring rain and swallowed, she couldn't let him go thinking she meant those things…she had to go after him…

XxxxX

Peyton squinted blindly through the dark as the cold rain pelted down upon her, soaking her through to the skin in seconds and her blond curls grew lank with water as she jogged down the street, looking around desperately for any sign of him?

She walked slowly across the grass in the park and sighed to herself, her breath rising in misty plumes in front of her as she suppressed a shiver and looked around. She couldn't see a thing. Another silver flash of lightning erupted through the sky causing the entire park to be illuminated in light for a second, but a second long enough for Peyton to spot a familiar figure not far ahead. Sitting on a swing by the riverfront…

She walked slowly forward, her stomach churning as she drew closer. She could hear the swings creaking slightly in the wind and as he rocked slightly back and forth, his back to her. She could hear the echo of her heart beat pounding in her ears over the wind battering the trees and the rain as she drew closer to him. She stood next to him but he didn't lift his gaze from the floor, he was completely soaked. Rain dripped from his hair and nose and his clothes were drenched. She looked down at him her eyes burning once more with warm tears…She slowly lowered herself down into the swing next to his and sat there, both of them sitting in silence getting even more soaked. She looked across at him and she could see his eyes still shining and she looked back down to the floor.

They sat there for a few minutes more in silence, the occasional car driving past at the top of the road and a crash of thunder disturbing the quiet…

"She had the day off work…I told her she should lie in but she wanted to give me a ride to work, I usually took the train so I said okay." He said suddenly starting to talk causing Peyton to look up and watch him, listening intently as she struggled to hear his quiet voice over the whistling wind.

"She dropped me off in the morning and said she had some stuff to do ,she was booking a holiday for us. She was driving back home and on the intersection…a truck driver he…he fell asleep at the wheel. She didn't even have time to break…She died and…and it's all my fault. If I had just taken the train that morning then she would have had a lie in. She'd still be here now and we'd probably be packing for a holiday. It's all my fault…" He trailed off, his voice giving out as he shivered and let the hot tears track down his cold, wet face.

Peyton stared at him in horror…how could…how could he think this was his fault? He hadn't told anyone and he had been carrying this around with him the whole time, thinking it was his fault and then she had said all those things to him…

"This isn't your fault Lucas…It's not your fault it's that truck driver's fault not yours." She said looking at him whilst he gripped the sides of the swing and looked down at the floor, she could see tears leaking slowly from his eyes and she swallowed her heart aching for him…she couldn't believe he was going through all of this, how could he be dealing with this?

"I just miss her Peyt…I want her back!" He cried desperately. Peyton felt tears rolling down her cheeks as she watched him before reached across and wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a fierce hug, pulling him tightly towards her and rubbing his back gently as he didn't protest, he leant against her and cried silently as the night and the rain engulfed them.

"I'm sorry for what I said Luke…I didn't mean any of it." She whispered truly meaning it and he nodded silently, not trusting his voice as a painful lump formed in his throat.

They sat there in each other's arms as the rain poured down faster in torrents and thunder rumbled across the sky…lost in each other's embrace…


	6. The Aftermath

A/N Thanks for the reviews, this is basically the aftermath of the big confrontation

Peyton walked slowly up the stairs, her clothes stiff with rain water as she listened to the steady drips of water rolling from the ends of her lank, wet curls. She swallowed hard as she shivered, her cold hands trembling as she stopped at the top of the stairs. She swept her wet hair over one shoulder as she shuffled towards the front door, scrambling in her pockets for her keys; her numb fingers not functioning fully.

As she opened the door she felt a blast of warm air greet her and she swallowed hard, a painful lump forming in her throat as she blinked back tears.

With great effort she managed to pull of her sodden jacket and she threw it over to the radiator by the wall to dry, tears were now streaming steadily down her face as she collapsed down onto the couch placing her head in her hands. Sobs wracked her chest as she sat there, her breath hitching with each sob as the warm tears cascaded down her cheeks.

She sat there for a few minutes, sniffing and trying to quell the rapidly falling tears when there was a knock at the door. She looked up and frowned, who could that be at this time? She looked down at her watch and managed to make out the time through her blurred vision…

She looked down….she couldn't answer it now, not when she looked like this, not in this state of mind either…She sat there ignoring the knocks and sat back against the couch cushions wishing the ground would just swallow her up. She had never felt more guilty in her life.

The knocking repeated steadily…

"Peyton Sawyer I know you are not sleeping right now so open this door and let me in! It's cold and creepy out here, you need to move to a better apartment building…this place is so…dank."

Peyton looked up and she couldn't help but smile as she heard her best friend at the door…she needed someone to talk to right now anyway. She walked slowly over to the door and opened it to reveal Brooke Davis, hair still sleek and straight, undamaged by the torrential rainfall and looking sickeningly fabulous as usual.

"Hey Peyton I…oh…" She said trailing off as her smile faded whilst she looked Peyton up and down, she marked the drenched appearance, the bloodshot eyes, mascara tracks…not good, she thought to herself.

"Three words…What happened to you?" She asked stepping into the apartment.

"That was four words." Peyton remarked shakily as she struggled to keep hold of the tears in her eyes and closed the door behind her friend, watching as Brooke walked into the small apartment.

"Whatever, what happened Sawyer?...What's wrong?" She asked softly as she looked into Peyton's tear-filled eyes. Peyton opened her mouth to speak but closed it again, shaking her head as the tears began to fall once more. Brooke swallowed and wrapped a comforting arm around her wet shoulders and she led her over to the couch, sitting her down.

Peyton slowly looked up and met Brooke's concerned gaze and she swallowed hard…

" It's Lucas." She whispered shakily causing Brooke to sit up slightly and watch her friend intently.

"We uh…we had this huge fight and…" She trailed off her voice wavering as a couple more tears rapidly slid from her eyes. Brooke tightened her grip on her friend's shoulders.

"Oh Peyt…forget about him, he's an ass. Don't waste your tears on him." She said soothingly rubbing her friends back. She jumped in surprise as Peyton shrugged her arms off and turned to face her, her eyes glistening and full of desperation.

"No Brooke, they're not wasted. I've been such a bitch to him…" She cried, her heart pounded faster, echoing in her ears as Brooke swallowed, confused.

"Yeah but, you had a reason to I mean with…"

Peyton cut her off again

"Brooke let me talk…just listen." She said and Brooke nodded her mind racing…what was going on with her?

"We…we had this huge argument in the café and it got totally out of hand…I, I said some things and…I said that no wonder his wife left him and all these really terrible things. I was so horrible; I didn't even know what I was saying. He got so angry with me and I carried on and he just stopped…he was in tears!" She cried, Brooke stared at her…he cried? God what had Peyton said that was that bad? Lucas didn't cry easily.

"His wife didn't leave him…she…she died Brooke!" She cried her voice giving out as her breath hitched in her throat.

Brooke sat there in silence, in total shock. She gaped at Peyton trying to process what she had just heard…she was dead, his wife was…dead?

"What?" She whispered her voice trembling.

"I said all those terrible things and I went too far and then he just said she was dead…I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't listen. He, he stormed outside. I went after him and I found him sitting in the park. We sat there and then he just started to speak to me, about her…about what happened. It was a car accident…" She said letting the statement hang in the air as Brooke tried to process everything…

"He thinks it's all his fault. All the things we've said Brooke, the way I've acted…everytime I was so mean to him he's been dealing with this." She sobbed.

Brooke felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes and she pulled Peyton into a tight hug, both girls crying as thunder sounded outside, the rain still pelting down.

"It'll be okay Peyt…we'll talk to him." She said softly

Peyton sniffed

"If he still wants to talk to us." She said quietly.

XxxxX

Lucas stared up at his bedroom ceiling and sighed heavily, he couldn't help but replay the whole "conversation" between himself and Peyton. He shouldn't have lost his temper like that…But the things she was saying, they just…they just got through to him, he couldn't block them out and each one broke another piece of his heart. He just kept thinking what if she was right? The things she had said had hurt him and bought back so many unwanted memories…

"_We have some bad news" _

_Lucas swallowed hard his heart beginning to pound as he numbly lowered himself into an armchair, the cops sitting down opposite on the couch looking grim. Blood rushed noisily in his ears as he stared at them, his mouth as dry as sand paper as he dreaded the next few minutes ahead. _

"_It's about your wife, Callie Scott. Earlier today she was involved in a car accident. She was broadsided on an intersection. A truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and ran a red light. I'm sorry Mr Scott but she didn't make it." The Policeman said softly_

_Lucas felt like all the wind had been knocked out of him, he stared at the officer as if he had sprouted another head, barely able to process what he had just heard…she…she didn't make it? What did that mean…why couldn't he just say it. She was dead…she couldn't be dead, she couldn't be gone. _

_The officer continued, not expecting a response from Lucas as he sat there, stunned. _

"_It took a while to recover her ID from the scene which is why you've been contacted now. I'm very sorry Mr Scott." He said_

_Lucas swallowed; it felt like a block of ice had settled in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sorry, he didn't even know her. How…how could this be happening? Surely this was some kind of sick joke, the cameras would appear and someone would shout gotcha! This couldn't be real, it couldn't be. She couldn't be gone…He swallowed hard, managing to regain his voice as he looked up slowly at the two officers. _

"_I…she…when?" He stammered his voice wavering as a painful lump formed in his throat, he could feel his hands trembling as he gripped the armchair, aware of his heart hammering hard against his ribs. _

"_It was around 9:30…" He said grimly. _

_Lucas felt his head spinning…9:30…she must have been on the way back from dropping him off. Oh god…It felt like everything was crashing down around him all at once…_

"_I know this is hard Mr. Scott but…we recovered some belongings from the car." The other officer said, producing a clear polythene bag. He handed it to Lucas who gingerly took it with shaking hands. His mouth as dry as sandpaper he swallowed with difficulty and emptied the contents of the bag onto the coffee table. _

_He looked down at the spread of objects on the table and he felt his stomach churning violently. _

_Her wedding ring, her purse, her handbag. He gently picked up the handbag and peered inside and he immediately felt hot tears burn in his eyes. He picked up her favourite lipstick, receipts, her house keys, a nail file, her favourite key ring…and a photo of him and her together. His vision was blurred with suppressed tears as he held the small passport sized photo in his shaking hands, it was of them kissing in a photo booth in senior year._

_He felt a sad smile tug at the corner of his lips as hot tears tracked silently down his face. He didn't care that the two officers were sitting there, he didn't care about anything anymore…she was gone, she wasn't coming back. He would never hear her laugh, see her smile, kiss her soft lips, hold her in his arms, stay up talking all night, watch lame movies and fall asleep on the couch…he wouldn't do anything with her anymore…she was gone. _

He sighed and rolled over, glancing at his clock. There was no way he was going to get to sleep now, not after everything that had happened tonight. Everytime he closed his eyes he could see the pictures of the wrecked car. He just wished this would all go away…that he could just forget, or better yet he wished he had her back.

There was a knock at the door and he sat up surprised…

"come in." He said curiously, it was close to 4 am., it had to be his mom but why would she be knocking now. The door opened and as he expected his mum stood there in her dressing gown, clutching a steaming cup of coffee. She offered a weak smile and Lucas switched on the lamp at his bedside.

"Hey sweetie, I figured you'd be awake." She said softly.

"I…What happened tonight? You come home soaked to the skin, you barely said a word to me and went straight to bed…please talk to me honey." She begged looking at him whilst he picked at the duvet, ducking his head. A long silence stood between them until he raised his head and looked up at his mother, sighing slightly.

"Peyton knows." He said lowly, he might as well let her know what is going on. Karen swallowed and looked at her son; she knew, she could see it in his eyes, that he wasn't telling the whole story. Sensing he wasn't going to get away with saying just that he sighed and continued.

"We uh…we had this massive argument and we said some stuff and…I told her." He said not really feeling like reliving everything exchanged between them. He couldn't help but keep playing everything over and over…

"Oh honey…maybe it's better this way, with things out in the open." She said soothingly, rubbing his back gently. She could tell he was really upset…something had obviously gone down between the two of them, the fight must have been pretty bad.

"Maybe." He mumbled quietly…he definitely thought things would never be the same with Peyton again now, how could he face her after this?

"But now Brooke will know which means basically the whole of Tree Hill will know and…I…I don't want the pity mom. Do you know what it was like the day I went to work to get my stuff? The looks I was getting? The condolences and those people kept saying they were sorry but they didn't even know her!" He said his voice wavering. Karen felt her heart ache and she wished she could just erase all the pain her son was feeling right now but she couldn't, and it broke her heart.

"I know sweetie but you can't help that. Maybe it won't be as bad as you think, it can't hurt to have more people around to talk to can it?" She said trying to offer at least some positive light on the situation. Lucas smiled slightly and looked up.

"Yeah, if they both hate you it can" He said with a small smile which Karen returned, the tension easing.

"Well…um…Brooke doesn't hate you?" She offered light-heartedly causing Lucas to laugh weakly. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and pulled him close to her so he could lean against her.

"You'll be okay Luke…I know you will." She said softly. Lucas swallowed a lump rising in his throat.

"I love you mom"

"I love you too."

As Karen left the room Lucas let out a long sigh and closed his eyes…he just wanted to disappear, for everything to go away.

XxxX

Peyton walked down the empty streets, the trees rustling in the wind as she blocked out Brooke's incessant chatter about the outfit she had bought, she knew she was just trying to take her mind off Lucas but it wasn't working. She thought things might have been better in the morning but the few hours sleep she had gotten had just made things worse…now she just kept running through everything she had said and done, his face when she was shouting at him, the tears building in his eyes. Guilt was eating away at her and she couldn't stand it…

"…Don't you think?" Brooke asked turning to Peyton and pulling her from her reverie.

"Sorry what?" Peyton asked flushing as Brooke rolled her eyes.

"Weren't you listening to a word I said?" She asked slightly irritated. Peyton sighed.

"I..well…no" She said flatly causing Brooke to smirk slightly.

"Were you thinking about Lucas?" She asked softly, she had been up half the night comforting her and she knew this was really eating her up. She still couldn't get her head around the fact that he had been hiding this the whole time, going through this alone.

Peyton swallowed and looked down at her feet as they continued walking along. Brooke took the silence as a yes and continued.

"Peyton, we'll talk to him okay? Everything will be okay…he'll understand." She said as they both stopped walking. Peyton looked up, her hazel eyes shining.

"I don't know Brooke…" She began but trailed off when she spotted someone across the road, she stopped, staring and Brooke frowned curiously. She followed Peyton's gaze across the road when she saw him.

He was running down the road, headphones in his ears as he ran steadily, eyes down. They watched him and he lifted his head and spotted them across the road.

Lucas swallowed and slowed down, grinding to a halt, his heart hammering and still echoing the rhythm of his feet. He watched as they stood across the road, both of them looking at him…Peyton avoiding his gaze. He felt sweat trickling down the side of his face and his breath coming in heavy pants. He looked away briefly before looking back at Peyton and their gazes met, his heart raced as she looked at him…

Looking away he broke into a run and continued on down the road, not looking back. He couldn't face her right now, not after what happened. He didn't blame her, he just wasn't ready.

Brooke sighed as Lucas jogged away and turned to Peyton who was staring blank faced ahead.

"Why don't we go round the café later, give both of you some time then you can talk?" She offered quietly. Peyton swallowed and nodded…he couldn't even look at her.

XxxxX

Jake smiled as Brooke picked a French fry from his plate and popped it into her mouth, she grinned and gently kissed him on the lips.

"What are you so happy about?" She asked him as he continued smiling.

"Just thinking about how beautiful you are." He said softly causing Brooke to flush and kiss him again.

"Good answer." She whispered.

Peyton watched as they kissed again and sighed. She looked up at the counter and spotted Karen wiping down the surface, they exchanged a brief glance before Karen looked away. Well she obviously knew, Peyton thought to herself. Great, now Karen probably hates her as well as Lucas. She knew Lucas was working in the back, she had heard Karen talking to him. She knew she had to face him at some point, she was just nervous. What if he yelled at her, told her to get out? What if he hated her and never wanted to talk to him again? After all this had happened it was like she had forgotten about what happened between them in high school, it just didn't seem important anymore. It had happened so long ago and there were more important things…she guessed she must have finally forgiven him.

She got slowly to her feet and walked over to the counter, ignoring the look curious stares Brooke and Jake were giving her as she drew closer. As she got to the counter Karen looked up and shot her a quick smile.

"Hey Peyton." She said, she knew what had happened between the two of them but she wasn't going to ignore the girl, she was nice enough and she knew the history between them but she had grown to know the girl when Lucas was dating her.

"Um hey Karen, I…I was wondering…" She stammered, stumbling over her words when Karen intervened.

"You want to talk to Lucas?" She offered with a smile, Peyton grinned and nodded with a sigh of relief.

"Yeah." She said.

Karen nodded.

"He's in the back." She said gesturing to the backroom. Peyton swallowed hard, her stomach churning and she glanced over to the room behind the counter.

"Thanks." She said softly before walking slowly over to the room, her heartbeat echoing loudly in her ears. She could feel her hands trembling so she shoved them into her jeans pockets and kept them there. She reached the doorway and peered in when she spotted him, he was leaning over the dishwasher and loading dirty dishes into it. She watched it for a few seconds, just staring at him and willing her voice to just work…when he turned around, sensing her presence.

He looked up and spotted her standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. Her golden curls were swept over one shoulder and her large hazel eyes were fixed on him. He slowly stood up and they both stood there in silence for a few seconds, the tension building.

"I uh…I just wanted to um…I wanted to apologise, for last night…and for everything." She said her voice trembling as she timidly stepped further into the room.

Lucas felt like his heart had jumped into his throat as he stared at her. He swallowed with difficulty and looked into her shining eyes. When he didn't say anything she took a deep breath and continued.

"I shouldn't have said those things…I didn't mean any of them." She said her voice still shaking.

"It was just….everything I'd bottled up over the years coming out and I didn't mean to hurt you…" She said her voice finally breaking as tears started in her eyes, she looked away not wanting him to see her cry.

Lucas watched as she looked away, her eyes steadily filling with glistening tears. He hated seeing her cry, he hated it. He stepped forward, his mind racing as she looked up…tears rolling steadily down her cheeks.

"I know…I know you didn't mean it. I…and I'm sorry too…for everything I've done, for hurting you." He said quietly as she stared at him, her stomach fluttering as she looked into his deep blue eyes.

"What happened…it…it doesn't matter anymore." She said with a tiny smile. Lucas frowned slightly, his brow furrowing…what? How could she just be forgiving him like this? After how badly he hurt her.

"But what I did, it was…"

She cut him off.

"Like you said, it's the past and the past can stay there." She said smiling slightly, tears still sitting on her cheeks. Lucas smiled uncertainly…she was really forgiving him? He had been waiting years for her to say it and now it just felt like maybe he could finally forgive himself…

"Friends?" She asked holding out her hand, knowing she might be pushing it slightly but she just wanted to let things go between them so they could finally be friends again. Even when she had hated him, she had missed having him in her life…

Lucas looked down at her hand and back up at her face before awkwardly taking her hand and shaking it, just the feel of her soft skin made his spine tingle.

"Friends." He said

They both smiled at each other…finally they had put their past behind them and now maybe they could move on…

A/N What did you think? Leave a review and let me know


	7. Tension

A/N Thanks for the reviews, the second chapter is up as well so don't forget to read that too!

* * *

As Peyton walked up to the small car garage she put her hands in her pockets and let out a long sigh, her stupid car had broken down again and she needed to go and pick it up. She knew Lucas worked here. It was weird now they were friends again but good weird. There weren't any more awkward silences or tension between them, they could both just relax.

She could hear the stereo playing through the gap in the doors as she walked into the garage before stopping in her tracks. Lucas was standing there, shirtless. She swallowed watching as he leant over and pulled on another shirt and she couldn't help but admire his physique even if he was a little thinner…

She quickly tried to look anywhere but at him as he turned around and flushed slightly.

"Oh hey." He said obviously embarrassed as he pulled his shirt down and turned to her. She smiled feebly.

"Um…my car was brought in, I was just checking up on it." She said tucking her hair behind her ears as she looked up at him. He nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, I think it's ready. Let me just get the…the forms." He said looking away awkwardly. He swallowed and reached for the clipboard on the desk. They were friends again so why did he feel so awkward?...Maybe because she just walked in on him changing? Because of their history?

Peyton watched as he glanced down at the forms, scanning through them and she sighed inwardly. So they were back where they started, awkward silences. Well, at least they weren't hostile ones. She couldn't exactly expect him to be a lively conversationalist, his wife had just died.

He frowned and felt in his pocket…looking on the desk.

"Have you seen a pen?" He said looking up.

Peyton glanced down at the untidy desk and spotted a ballpoint, reaching forward she placed her hand over it only to find Lucas' hand on top of hers, both having reached for the pen at the same time.

She looked up, meeting his eyes; his hand still on hers. She felt a slight shiver when his hand touched hers, looking into his blue eyes she felt a sudden connection. Clearing his throat and flushing with embarrassment he moved his hand and looked away.

He could feel color rising to his cheeks as he moved his hand away from hers. What was wrong with him? They were practically a walking cliché. He could feel his heart beating a little faster as he looked up into her eyes, she was smiling with embarrassment and holding the pen out to him. He took it gingerly and began signing the forms.

What was going on? Why couldn't they just hold up a normal conversation, the people that used to talk about absolutely anything for hours…She was the only person he could do that with apart from Callie but now he couldn't do it anymore…

Finishing up the forms he exhaled loudly and handed her the clipboard.

"If you um…just sign there then you can take her away now." He said not quite meeting her eyes. She nodded, scrawling her signature quickly and handing him the clipboard back.

"Thanks." She mumbled and he nodded.

He watched as he pulled her keys from her pocket, looking down at the car with a smile. He knew how much that car meant to her, her dad had bought it for her. Swallowing he looked away, he couldn't wait to go home…in a way he was glad he had something to do, something that kept his mind off things but at the same time he wished he could just hide away so he wouldn't have to face everyone.

She smiled back at him briefly before pulling out of the garage…he watched her drive off and he sighed. What was it with this girl?

XxxxX

Lucas sat at the counter of the café, looking down into the swirling black coffee in the mug in front of him. He didn't know how he felt anymore, know everything was out in the open. Peyton knew, Brooke knew and now probably the whole of Tree Hill knew. He just felt…empty. Before he had just felt so angry, upset, and lonely but now…it was like it had all gone away and now there was just emptiness, like a part of him was missing.

He heard the bell over the door go but he didn't look up, pre-occupied with sipping his coffee. Suddenly he felt a pair of hands close over his eyes.

"Guess who?" A familiar voice said causing him to break into a grin and turn around on his stool.

"Haley!" He said as she pulled him into a tight hug, knocking the air out of his lungs. Gasping slightly when she finally released him he shot a smile across at Nathan who was standing next to her.

"Hey bro." Nathan said pulling him into a short manly hug.

"How've you been?" Haley asked a concerned look crossing her face as she looked up at him. Lucas' smile faded slightly.

"Um…not great but I'm doing okay. Anyway, how was your…second honeymoon, anniversary vacation…thing? Whatever you were calling it anyway." He said eager to change the topic of conversation. Haley and Nathan smiled.

"It was great, the hotel was really nice and we had a really good time." Haley said with a smile. Nathan nodded, his arm around Haley's shoulder.

The door to the café opened again and Brooke and Peyton stepped in, both smiling and laughing. Haley looked across at Peyton then back at Lucas…

"So what's been going on since you got here?" She asked raising an eyebrow…

* * *

A/N Pointless crappy filler chapter, I know I know but the next chapter has ALOT of drama so make you sure you read and review for that, it's already up


	8. Drowning your sorrows

Thanks for the reviews, please leave some comments for me!

* * *

Lucas slowly opened his eyes, the sound of birds chirping outside his windows dragging him from his sleep as he groaned and looked across at the lock. 7:30.

He sighed and closed his eyes again, hoping he could just fall asleep again but he knew it wouldn't happen. Once he was up, he stayed up.

As he sat up he yawned widely and stretched, satisfied when his back clicked slightly and he got to his feet. Padding barefooted across the room he glanced up at the calendar on his wall and froze. He had almost forgotten…forgotten what day it was.

He swallowed hard, his heart hammering. He looked at the scrawled handwriting, it was circled. His mouth felt dry as he stepped closer. He had been thinking about it all day yesterday and when he had woken up this morning he hadn't realized…

Callie's birthday.

He sat back down and sighed deeply. He couldn't do this, just as things were getting better…he and Peyton were friends again, Nathan and Haley were back and now this. How was he supposed to get through today?

They had plans for today…they were going to go away together, take a break from work and fly somewhere…somewhere hot and it would just be him and her.

But he couldn't have that anymore, because she was gone.

* * *

Karen hummed softly to herself and glanced at her watch with a frown. Lucas should be at work by now, what was he doing? She finished washing the last dish in the sink and dried her hands on a towel before walking across the kitchen.

"Lucas?" She called out loudly, waiting for an answer. After a while she got a muffled "Yeah" in return.

"Shouldn't you be at work by now?" She asked checking her watch again, making sure she hadn't made a mistake. She could hear footsteps from his room and his door opened, he appeared slightly disheveled; his hair was sticking up in different angles and he was in a t-shirt and a pair of old ripped jeans, clearly not dressed for work.

"I'm…I'm not going to work today. I took the day off." He said quietly, looking up at her. Surely she'd understand why he didn't want to work today?

Karen frowned.

"Why? Are you feeling okay?" She asked looking him up and down, he didn't look sick, she thought absently as he stared at her

Lucas swallowed. She hadn't remembered. She'd always remembered before, sending cards and gifts or at least a phone call…but then again she didn't have to worry anymore did she? But still…

"I…I'm fine, I just don't feel like working today." He said with a shrug, still disappointed that she didn't know. Her frown deepened as she raised an eyebrow.

"Lucas, you can't just take a day off because you feel like it. If you have a job you have to be committed to it, even if you don't need the job you still have to go. People are counting on you there." She said disapprovingly. She didn't mean to be hard on him but he couldn't keep hiding away.

Lucas looked down at the floor and swallowed before drawing his gaze reluctantly up to meet his mother's. He couldn't tell her, not now…He didn't even want to think about it.

"I know mom." He replied quietly.

Her frown softened slightly.

"Fine, if you're taking the day off I need you to pick some things up for me." She said pulling a crumpled shopping list from her pocket and holding it out to him, still eyeing him suspiciously. Something was up, she could tell.

Lucas merely nodded in reply.

"Are you okay?" She asked concernedly

Lucas just nodded again

"Fine." He replied shortly.

"I'm gonna go out now if that's okay." He said already walking towards the door and not even waiting for an answer, he couldn't stay in this house much longer, he needed to get out…he needed to make himself forget.

Karen sighed to herself as Lucas left, stuffing the list into his back pocket and shutting the door quickly behind him. Leaning back against the counter she ran a hand through her hair, why did Lucas seem so off?

Recently he had been a lot happier, having everyone around him was good for him, especially Peyton talking to him again. She walked across to the kitchen and started to dry the dishes, she glanced up at the wall opposite her at the calendar trying to remember when her next hair appointment, as she looked up at it she suddenly stopped, her gaze resting on the small note written on today's date.

Shit.

* * *

Peyton hummed along to the song blasting out of i-pod as she walked across her apartment, bobbing her head to the beat and singing the lyrics she knew.

"_You can bump and grind, if it's good for your mind…you can twist and shout, let it all hang out."_ She sang loudly, enjoying the old T-Rex song the loud heavy guitar chords echoing in her ears.

Hearing a distant ringing she paused the song and pulled the earphones from her ears, looking around in confusion. Her gaze settling on the ringing phone, her frown eased and she walked over…who would be calling at this time? She thought looking out the window at the dark streets below, it was getting pretty late.

She set her i-pod down and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Peyton? It's Karen…I…Have you seen Lucas?" Karen asked and Peyton could hear the worry in her voice.

"Um…No I haven't, why is everything okay?" She asked beginning to grow nervous. She hoped nothing bad had happened to him…they had grown to be pretty good friends recently. Karen sighed.

"I…it's just he hasn't come home yet and it's getting pretty late."

Peyton frowned, it was 11:30…

"Where did he go? It's only 11:30, he's a grown up now." She said jokingly but somehow she didn't think Karen would be amused…

"Sorry, but how long has he been gone?" She asked clearing her throat.

"Um, well he went out at about nine this morning to get me some things and then he just never came back. He left a message at about 4 saying he was going out but…I'm really worried Peyton."

Peyton paused, he'd been gone all day…that wasn't like Lucas to just disappear for a day. Karen continued

" I…I was a bit hard on him this morning for skipping work and the after he left I realised it's…It's Callie's birthday today and I totally forgot." She said her voice wavering slightly and Peyton swallowed. It was her birthday?

"Okay, have you tried ringing him?" She eventually asked, her mouth dry. She knew Lucas must be feeling messed up, where would he go? She thought.

"His phone's off." Karen replied and Peyton sighed.

"Karen I'll go and find him, I'll look around…I think I know where he'll be anyway." She said and she could hear Karen sniffing. She swallowed again. Why was this all so messed up? She just wished she could take all Lucas' pain away, she knew how horrible it felt to lose someone and she knew exactly how he must be feeling right now, she felt it on her mom's birthday on the anniversary of her death…

"Thanks Peyton."

"No problem, I'll call you when I find him." She said before saying goodbye and hanging up…right, she thought. If she knew Lucas like she thought she did, she'd better check every bar in Tree Hill…

* * *

Lucas drained his glass and relished in the burning sensation that traveled smoothly down his throat as he swallowed his last mouthful. He set his glass down and sighed noisily, his vision doubled as he swayed light-headedly on his bar stool.

"S…same again." He slurred to the bartender who frowned at him disapprovingly but he wasn't going to turn away good money. He took the glass from the bar and filled it up halfway before handing it back to Lucas who took it and smiled drunkenly.

He had been here for most of the day, starting off slowly and then eventually picking up the pace the more drunk he got…he wasn't really much of a drinker but he needed this, he just needed to forget.

His head was spinning as he swallowed another generous amount of straight vodka. She would have been 24 today.

Shaking his head, trying to get the images and memories that were threatening to creep in out of his head.

* * *

Peyton squinted as a cloud of cigarette smoke and the smell of stale beer hit her, walking into what felt like the thousandth bar that night she was slowly losing hope of finding Lucas.

Looking around the crowd of various dead-beats, alcoholics, bikers, drunken women with skirts shorter than belts she finally saw someone, someone who didn't look like they belonged here.

He was hunched over the bar, perched on a bar stool and nursing a glass of clear liquid which she would bet her life on the fact it wasn't water. She walked over, aware of the looks a crowd of drunken businessmen were giving her but she didn't care, she had found him.

Even from a distance she could see what a state he was in, he was slouched over, swaying slightly from time to time and he kept knocking back large swallows.

Without saying a word she drew up a bar stool and sat next to him, staring straight ahead at the bartender who shot her a smile.

"What can I get you?"

"A water please…make that two." She said looking across at Lucas who was looking at her in confusion. The barman came back shortly and she handed him a fistful of change, taking a sip from her glass she pushed the other over to Lucas and stared at him,

"Drink that then I'm taking you home." She said. She could see his eyes were bloodshot and unfocused, how much had he drunk?

"No…stay, talk to me." He said with a lopsided smile. Peyton frowned, she needed to stop him drinking and just get him out of here. She didn't want to see him destroy himself like this, she wasn't going to let him go down this path.

"You've had too much Luke. Come on. I'm taking you home." She said slowly, taking his arm. He stood up and staggered, stumbling slightly as Peyton tried to stand him up-right. His vision was fuzzy and his legs felt like jelly as he tried to walk out of the bar, unable to walk straight as the room spun, his head a jumbled mess.

Peyton swallowed hard as she managed to half walk and half drag Lucas out of the bar. He was a mess. As the cool night air hit her face she let out a sigh and looked across at Lucas. She'd never seen him like this, not since Keith died.

Suddenly Lucas doubled over, his stomach churning as the contents of his stomach rushed up his throat. Heaving, he puked all over the sidewalk, gasping as his throat burned.

Peyton wrinkled her nose and walked over slowly where Lucas was leaning against the wall, still doubled over and panting heavily. She reached out shakily and rubbed his back, soothing him quietly as he spat and wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve.

She noticed the tears in his eyes but she said nothing as he straightened up, his hands shaking as the walked over to her car.

"If you puke in my car, you're cleaning it up." She said with a small smile which he tried but failed to return. He collapsed into the passenger seat as Peyton fired up the engine. He leant his head against the window and swallowed, his mouth tasted rancid and he felt awful…his stomach was still churning and everything was spinning, making him dizzy. He just wanted to sleep, but even in his sleep he dreamed, dreamed of her.

They drove in silence, Peyton occasionally stealing glances across at Lucas to see if he was okay…but every time she found him looking out the window, his expression blank.

They stopped at the traffic lights and Peyton began to indicate to turn left into Karen's street.

"Wait." Lucas mumbled causing Peyton to look across at him, he still didn't look at her, only looking down at his hands.

"I…I can't go back to my mom's house. Not today." He half whispered, his voice hoarse.

Peyton paused and looked at her watch and then looked back at him. Should she let him stay? She understood where he was coming from but…he should be at home.

"Luke I don't know…" She said uncertainly, glancing across again. He nodded silently and looked away, the road ahead was spinning and he felt so light-headed.

She turned the corner and stopped at the next set of lights, she looked across at Lucas and even in his drunken state she could see how upset he was, how hurt…She felt a stab of sympathy for him, she didn't want to let him down, not when he needed it the most.

She suddenly did a U-turn, the car tyres screeching as she turned quickly out of the lane causing other drivers to beep loudly. Lucas sat up and looked around.

"What? What are you doing?" He asked slightly dazed and she smiled.

"Did you really think I'd let Karen see you like this? There are some things a mother shouldn't see." She said with a smile. Lucas returned it.

"T..thanks." He slurred.

* * *

As they walked into the dark apartment Peyton hit the lights and watched Lucas stumble into the room. In normal circumstances it would have been amusing but now all she felt was sympathy.

"I'm gonna make you a coffee okay…just sit on the couch and…don't break anything." She said as she walked into the kitchen.

Lucas looked at all the photos on the walls, barely able to focus on them properly but he could about make out who was in them.

"Hey Peyton….you…you look pretty in the picture." He said pointing about five centimeters to the left of the picture he was talking about.

Peyton frowned but she couldn't help but smile slightly.

"Uh…thanks." She said wondering why she was flattered by the compliments of a drunken ex-boyfriend.

She busied herself making the coffee and tried to distract herself from the thoughts of Lucas that were rushing through her mind. Why did she keep thinking about him? Why did she always feel like she needed to be near him? They were friends, that was it.

Holding the warm mug in her hand she walked carefully across the room to where Lucas was sitting on the couch. She bent down and handed it to him.

"Here." She said softy, holding it out to him with a smile. He reached out to take it, his hands shaking but as she let go his grip slipped, the mug crashing down to the ground. The steaming black liquid flew out as the mug shattered on the floor.

Peyton gasped and leapt to her feet as Lucas stared down at the mug

"Lucas!" She said loudly

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Lucas repeated looking down at the mug and then back at Peyton.

"Fuck…"She said as she began to pick up the pieces of the mug and sighing.

As she put the shards of china on the coffee table she looked up at Lucas and swallowed. He was bent over, his head in his hands…

"I'm sorry." He whispered again his voice cracking. She sat up and moved closer, sitting down on the couch next to him.

"Hey hey hey, it's just a mug. It's okay, don't worry about it." She said hurriedly but Lucas refused to look up, tears burning in his eyes.

Peyton rubbed his back gently, leaning down closer to him suddenly feeling so terrible…

"I know what day it is Luke." She whispered causing Lucas to look up, his eyes shining with tears. He swallowed with difficulty, a painful lump stuck in his throat as he looked at her.

"It's okay to be upset…I understand." She said looking into his shining blue eyes, she could see the pain behind them and she knew what it was like, she'd been there before.

Just those words seemed to be the last thing, the thing that tipped him over the edge. It was like the floodgates had been opened as tears slipped softly down his face, he looked into her deep hazel eyes and she drew him into a tight hug, pulling his body closer against hers and shushing him quietly as he shook in her arms, choking on sobs as he began to let everything go.

"I just miss her Peyt…I can't do this." He sobbed, tears streaming freely from his eyes as he pressed his face into her shoulder. Peyton felt tears pricking at her own eyes as she stroked his hair softly trying her best to comfort him.

They sat there for a while, simply just holding each other as Lucas calmed down. He just felt so confused, so lost and Peyton was the only person who understood. She had lost people before.

Peyton continued to rub his back softly, still holding him tightly. Her heart was hammering so fast and her mind was racing. Why was she feeling like this? She thought, as Lucas sniffed slightly on instinct she kissed him softly on the forehead.

Suddenly they both stiffened, realising what she had just done she drew back slightly, feeling the heat rushing to her cheeks as Lucas looked up at her. His eyes were red and his expression was confused, surprised. They stared at each other, Peyton wishing she could just disappear as Lucas stared at her.

"I…I'm sorry I didn't mean…I…" She stammered tripping over her words as she looked anywhere but at Lucas, feeling more flustered as he just remained silent.

She drew her gaze back to him and swallowed. Before she even knew what was happening Lucas' lips had crashed down upon hers, kissing her. Caught in the moment, lost she kissed him back hungrily, slipping her hand around the back of his neck and pulling him closer, the kiss deepening and becoming more urgent.

Just tasting his lips again sent shivers down her spine as they drew away, both panting breathlessly and staring into each other's eyes. She kissed him again quickly not even thinking as he leant over her, both were lost in each other's embrace as their lips met again, fitting perfectly like pieces of a puzzle.

Both panting, Peyton quickly unbuttoned his shirt revealing his bare chest, he kissed her neck causing her to smile and she leant forward, sucking on his earlobe softly.

Lucas picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately as he stumbled back, hitting the wall with a thud causing books to slide of the shelves and a lamp to hit the floor with a crash.

Peyton quickly pulled off her shirt, kissing his bare chest.

Both breathless he carried her across the hall and they staggered into the bedroom, their lips locked together and their tongues dancing as they collapsed down onto the bed.

"Get the lights." Peyton whispered breathlessly and the room was plunged into darkness…

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A/N Sigh I wanted this chapter to be sooo much hotter, but I might post just one shot that may be an NC17 version of the last scenes…hehehe Please leave me a review! 


	9. Realisation

Thanks for the reviews, this is a little on the short side but hopefully short and sweet!

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Peyton's eyes fluttered open to the sound of bird singing outside of her open window. She looked up at the ceiling, blinking the sleep from her eyes. Golden sunlight was pouring in from the gap in the curtains, bathing the room in yellow light. Yawning widely and stretching out her arms, she rolled over and sat up.

She frowned as she looked around the room, her clothes lay strewn over the carpet and the lamp that usually stood on the nightstand was laying on it side, shards of glass from the broken bulb glistened in the morning sunlight.

She sat there and rubbed her eyes in confusion…

Suddenly, in a horrible, sickening rush everything came back to her. Images flashing through her mind, taking him home, kissing him, undressing each other, going into the bedroom…She felt like she had been punched in the stomach.

She looked at the rumpled bed sheets and closed her eyes, letting out a low groan. What had she done?

She grabbed her robe and pulled it around herself as she walked across the room, stepping carefully over the broken glass and ruffling her hair with a sigh. Where was he? Had he just taken off?

What was she going to say to him now? Things would be so awkward…so different, back how they were before. How could they have done this? How could she have done it? He was drunk…grieving over his dead wife.

As she stepped out into the hallway she let out a long sigh. Well if things were fucked up before then they definitely were now. Why did this have to happen? Things were finally getting back on track, they were friends again and now she had ruined everything.

Why had she kissed him? She was sober…had she wanted to? She shook her head, she couldn't have wanted it. She didn't feel that way about him anymore…did she? Questions raced around her tired mind as she struggled to comprehend what had happened…

She checked in the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen but there was no sign of him. He was gone.

Her heart was pounding in her ears as she collapsed down onto the couch and leant back, closing her eyes. She didn't know what to do. If she spoke to him she wouldn't know what to say. Words wouldn't be able to make this okay. She had slept with him. She was just so confused; she didn't know why he had done it. She didn't know how she felt. She couldn't have feelings for him, if she did she would know wouldn't she? But if she didn't, why had last night happened? Why hadn't she pulled away?

Maybe something, something in the back of her mind or deep in her heart hadn't let her pull away, deep down she had wanted it and maybe that was why this had happened. But she didn't know, all she did know was that she had to find Lucas. She had to explain.

She plucked the phone from his cradle and quickly dialed in his number, holding it up to her ear with shaking hands.

It rang a few times and she waited nervously, trying to think about what she would actually say to him if he picked up. She still couldn't believe it had happened, it felt like some warped dream.

_It was his wife's birthday_

She suddenly felt a huge rush of sickening guilt, it gnawed at her as the phone continued to ring…Eventually it went to voicemail.

"Hey, this is Lucas. You know the drill."

She smiled faintly at his message before the tone sounded in her ear.

"Um…hey, it's me. Peyton. I…I think we need to talk…about…about last night. I need to explain. Sorry. Call me when you get this." She said softly before hanging up. She felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes and she closed her eyes quickly, letting out a shaky breath. She wished she could just turn back the clock…

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She had spent the whole day phoning him but it was always the same, straight to voicemail. Karen didn't know where he was, Haley didn't know, Brooke didn't know, Nathan didn't know. He had disappeared and she couldn't find him anywhere.

As each second passed she could feel herself before more tense, more worried. She just needed to talk to him, to see if he was okay. She hated this, she didn't even know how he felt about this, how he had reacted.

After looking through most of Tree Hill she had set off to find the only other place he could be and the one that seemed most obvious…

She walked across the neatly cut grass, the wind rustling through the trees and she folded her arms, pulling her jacket tighter around herself. As she looked along the rows of headstones she felt out of place, like she shouldn't be here. If he was here, did she have a right to come here and talk about it? At his wife's grave?

As she looked ahead she could see him. Sitting on a bench. Her whole mouth seemed to go dry as she watched him, her heart beating a little faster. She didn't know what to say, how to do this. Would he hate her?

Preparing herself, she walked forward and stood next to the bench. He had a bunch of flowers in his hands and he didn't look up as she stood there. Feeling more awkward by the second she sat down next to him and they sat there for a while in silence, letting the breeze whip past them, the trees rustling and birds singing in the distance.

She looked across at the flowers and she felt another stab of guilt. She just felt so confused…so lost. She needed to straighten all of this out.

Lucas lifted his head and noticed her gaze resting on the flowers in his hands. He swallowed hard and looked down at the headstone.

"She used to love tulips." He said. She looked up, surprised and smiled weakly. He looked back down at them and sighed.

"Whenever I used to buy them for her, the smile on her face…" He smiled to himself at the memory and Peyton felt a lump in her throat as she blinked quickly, looking away. She couldn't do this, why did everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't things just go smoothly for once? Then she'd still be friends with Lucas and they wouldn't be sat here in an awkward silence.

"Lucas…" She began but he looked up and cut her off, his blue eyes shining.

"I betrayed her Peyton…she was my wife and I betrayed her! She's only been gone a couple of months…how could I do this to her?" He said, his voice cracking slightly.

She looked at him and willed herself to speak but she couldn't seem to find the words, they were lodged in her throat whilst she just stared at him. Her heart was racing and her thoughts seemed even more tangled as she struggled to come up with something to say, something that would make all of this go away.

"I just don't know…I feel so terrible and you and me it's…it's just…" He trailed off, meeting her gaze.

"Complicated?" She offered and he smiled.

"Yeah."

Peyton swallowed and looked down at the grave, a variety of flowers lay at it's base. Looking at him now she realised, if she wanted things to happen, they never would. He was still in love with Callie and he was hurting. She wasn't even sure how she felt but she knew he would need time and space…

"Last night was a mistake Lucas. I'm really sorry, you don't need to blame yourself. It didn't mean anything." She lied. She knew it meant something, she just wasn't sure what but she was going to give him what he needed to hear.

Lucas looked up at her and frowned slightly, he watched her as she struggled to speak. He didn't think that it meant nothing…but he wasn't sure if it meant anything. He…he was just so confused. He couldn't imagine being with anyone else after being with Callie so long…

"So we'll just forget it then?" She said, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to forget. She'd never forget.

Lucas merely nodded, not trusting his voice. He could describe how he felt in words, he felt…torn somehow. He knew he was just friends with Peyton but friends didn't just sleep together.

Peyton blinked again quickly as she felt her eyes brimming with tears. She knew she had to bury this…whatever _this_ was.

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Lucas stayed on the bench even after Peyton had left. He couldn't face going back to Tree Hill just yet. He looked down at the headstone and sighed. Would she understand? He was drunk, he was upset, it was her birthday. It didn't mean anything was happening with him and Peyton…

It was just a drunken mistake…they had just got caught up in the moment. He sighed, that's what they had said last time and look what had happened there.

He looked back at the tulips. He felt terrible. He didn't want to do this to Callie, he wished he could take it back. He would give anything to have her back.

But what if he couldn't bury what happened between him and Peyton? Was there something there?...He didn't know, he was just so confused. Maybe if he just protected his heart, shielded it and kept his distance it wouldn't get broken again. If he didn't let anyone in, he couldn't lose them.

He knew if he got too close to Peyton she would just be taken away. He had already lost Callie. He couldn't betray her.

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She had tried to stop thinking about him, thinking about them but the harder she tried the more he seemed to creep back into her thoughts, the more she thought about last night. Why couldn't she just forget? She just wanted things to go back to how they were, she wanted to forget.

She couldn't be doing this again; she couldn't be falling in love with him again. She always seemed to pick the worst moments. This was the only explanation…why else would she think about him all the time, always want to be with him, always talking about him?

She had been so scared of letting him in, so scared of being hurt again that she hadn't been listening to her heart. She hadn't even realized how she felt about him and it took one drunken mistake to make her realise that…she loved him. She loved Lucas Scott.

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Please drop me a review and make me smile! The next chapter skips ahead a bit and is the penultimate chapter so expect drama 


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